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Heart First Leadership
Welcome to Heart First Leadership, the podcast that explores a revolutionary approach to leadership. In a world that often prioritizes success above all else, it's easy to find ourselves leading from a space of fear, doubt, and unworthiness. There is a new way!
Join me, your host Ryan Sawyer, and my co-host and wife, Heidi Sawyer, on a transformative journey as we seek to inspire and guide leaders, parents, and athletes to unlock the secrets to a truly fulfilling life—one that resonates from the heart. In Heart First, we challenge the conventional norms and embark on a voyage together, where heart-driven leadership becomes the compass for a life well lived.
Are you ready to redefine where you lead from? Let's dive into meaningful conversations, insights, and practical tips that will empower you to embrace a new paradigm of leadership.
Heart First Leadership
Transforming Emotional Dips into Growth and Resilience
Have you ever felt like life is a rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows? We've all been there, and in our latest Heart First podcast episode, we reunite with the remarkable Heidi to explore the valleys of life and how they can lead to powerful growth. Together, we dissect our fluctuating journeys, from Heidi's honest unpacking of post-client self-critique to my battle with the waves of success and failure in sales. We delve into why these periods of doubt and discomfort are typical but crucial for our evolution, offering you a fresh perspective on learning from and ultimately embracing these dips.
This episode guides the hero's journey of personal transformation. We compare the discomfort of forging new neurological pathways to a spiritual quest for growth. We share insights on cognitive dissonance, the emotional whirlwind of doubt, fear, and guilt, and affirm that authentic action is the key to solidifying profound changes in our lives. Join us as we discuss the prickly transition process to new paradigms and how bravely facing resistance can lead to a more fulfilling existence.
>>> Get our FREE Heary First Guide to Helping Teens Thrive Beyond Performance
What's inside the guide?
- How to better help your student stay engaged, motivated, and resilient by focusing on learning, improving, and expanding their capacity.
- How to avoid common behaviors and messages that cause students to "duck their heads" or adopt avoidant strategies.
- Get practical exercises and conversation starters that you can use with your teens or students at school, sports and home.
Website: www.ihpcoaching.com
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Welcome back to the show. Heidi is joining us again today. We're just going to go ahead and acknowledge the fact that I have convinced her to be back here, a part of this podcast, HeartVersal. Everybody, let's welcome her back. Welcome back to the show, Heidi.
Speaker 2:Yeah, excited to be here. I can't get away from you, so I don't know why I even you know try to wrestle with it. It's like we have so much fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we have just so much fun doing this together so we're investing the time to do so. We were trying to be efficient in in doing our own thing and other circles, but we have too much fun doing it together, so that means that the next podcast, you and I can just say we're back.
Speaker 2:That's right. We're back, baby. We're back, so we're back, that's right.
Speaker 1:We're back, baby, we're back.
Speaker 1:So we're back and something has come up multiple times in our own lives in the last few weeks. We kind of did a little bit of a podcast about it a few weeks ago, but we're going to dive deeper into it today. Something has come up with multiple different clients recently in the last couple of days, and so I had another conversation just this morning, like sitting in a parking lot and talking to a friend, and I thought, okay, let's hit record, let's just unpack this, let's see what comes of it, let's verbalize what it means to navigate through a dip in our life and the importance of it and why we should embrace these moments that feel like there's something going wrong, like there's failure, like we're making a mistake and there's so much to unpack with it. So I'm not sure if we're going to hit it from every angle today, but we're going to do our best to try to normalize it in a way that actually helps people to navigate through them. So we're going to talk about dips today. Have you experienced one recently, heidi? Have you experienced?
Speaker 2:a dip in your life. Yeah, I'm just coming out of one.
Speaker 1:Here's the thing If you're really truly like really growing, growing, these dips can be fairly often like even as much as once a week. I have experienced them that often. Um, I think once a month can be seem normal, and I think that if you go quite a while in your life without experiencing some form of this idea of a dip or resistance, then chances are you're just reaffirming and recreating your way of being from based upon the past, right, right, because it takes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it takes. It takes the resistance for change to be possible, like just neurologically. But before I go into a little bit of a spiel about that, I would love to hear about your dip a little bit. Whatever it is that you're comfortable sharing and a lot of times, business and special especially being entrepreneurs and business owners um, that is usually pretty good ground for people to experience resistance and and this form of experiencing some sort of pushback or dip. Would you be able to to illustrate something for us? So we have something to work?
Speaker 2:with yeah, sure you put me on the spot.
Speaker 1:Sorry.
Speaker 2:So I think the more that we grow in awareness right, the more we become aware of our internal state and what's going on in there from the thoughts that we're thinking to the sensations that are happening inside our body then the more we start to recognize that these things are happening all the time. However, it's kind of the human tendency to buffer or distract ourselves away from what's happening internally for us, so the better we get it at noticing, the more we notice that things are happening in there.
Speaker 2:So, for me recently, just kind of pushing some of my edges in terms of you know what's possible within the business and within you know, I would say, my own coaching practice within our company, I've noticed some resistance popping up and, and mostly in the form you know, the old, familiar form of self judgment. I'll do something, you know, maybe it's a consult with a potential client, and then afterwards I'll notice that there's a critical voice popping up. You know you should have said this or you shouldn't have said that, and just kind of that self judgment that if you're not careful, can send you into the feeling that you're doing something wrong, that you're not, that you haven't grown, that you're not making progress, that you're failing in some way. So that's been an experience that I've had recently and and then, you know, just kind of had to navigate that from.
Speaker 1:I'm going to piggyback that and I'm going to give a an experience of my own and I'm going to go back a ways to one where that is very relatable because it happens so often, so frequent, that it's easy when I was in the sales role for Sawyer's Painting, our residential painting company, that now the company has been fully delegated off. But when I was in that sales role you know this has been a few years ago, obviously and there were times where I was on fire. If I went and looked at 10 jobs, I landed eight and it just seemed easy and I thought to myself oh man, I got this, I got this nailed, I got this down to a science. And then there would be these phases where I would go look at 10 jobs and I would land anywhere from zero to two and people would come back and tell me it's too expensive or whatever. They're going with somebody else for this reason or that reason, or they just wouldn't call back at all and I couldn't get in touch with them and there would be no response and it would go from feeling like I was legitimately really freaking good at this and had this completely dialed to feeling like I have no idea what I'm doing, and I must suck at this, or I'm missing something, I'm failing, I'm making a mistake. What am I forgetting to talk about? What am I forgetting to do? Why isn't this working?
Speaker 1:And so in those processes, in those moments when things aren't working, it's very easy to go into the tailspin of judgment, of doubt. And then it goes well, geez well. What if I never land another job again? What if this continues and the brain collapses time, which we know it does when there's some form of a threat happening there? That's a survival mechanism that collapses time and makes you feel like this is how it's forever going to be. I'm never going to land another job again, or at least it's going to be. At this grinding rate where I have to look at 10 jobs to land one or two Like this is just not productive, it's not efficient, it's not going to last. I can't grow my company like this, and all these narratives pop up right.
Speaker 1:And then, as you work through that dip, on the other side of it, boom, you're back into a flow state, doing it and it feels easy and smooth again. And now you're back to selling and you know 60 to 80% of their jobs again landing them and it's like, oh yeah, that's right, this is how it's supposed to feel. Or is it just these dips that happen in the different process? But when the dips happen, there's either some sort of external validation that that's happening, meaning like, hey, your sales number are down, somebody rejected you, they said no right. And also internally, it feels like failure. It feels it can be visceral. It can be visceral, it could be some form of but if you're in business and you're in a sales role and you're in any sort of life or relationship where you're really truly growing, there's going to be these dips Like growth mindset.
Speaker 1:Neuroscience tells us not just that they're probable, right, that they are absolutely 100% going to happen, and so the first thing is number one, to not judge it and to expect it Right. But let's just go into understanding it a little bit further, okay, is that it takes resistance and it takes a competing circuit for there to be change, which means I like to think of it almost as if there's two TVs. That my paradigm I currently live in, my paradigm of the way I think, the way I feel, the way I behave, what I believe to be true, how I experience myself in the world. This is my paradigm, right, and it's like watching a TV screen and I kind of see what I'm looking for, because that's the screen that I'm creating as a projection from my own mind. Now, when I start to evolve, I start to grow, I start to challenge my way of thinking and feeling and behaving and believing right, I start to create a paradigm shift. In that paradigm shift there has to be this competing circuit, which means there has to be the old way, the old paradigm, the old way of thinking, feeling, behaving and believing, as well as the new way, and they have to be side by side, both TVs on at the same time. Now I'm at a choice point. Now life is forming some form of resistance where I have an option. This is why we call it my original book choice point. I life is forming some form of resistance where I have an option. This is why we call it my original book choice point.
Speaker 1:I'm going a bit deeper into it here is to say, in that moment, if I turn off the new TV, the new screen, the new way of thinking, feeling, behaving, believing, I'm going to go back to the old paradigm and then I'm going to probably create some sort of a rationalization or justification that says see, this is who I am, see, this is how the world actually works. See, I'm not good enough, smart enough, whatever enough, so you might as well just go back and just go ahead and let that old TV be on, or both TVs are up. There's some form of resistance, there's that fear of failure, there's that doubt, there's the guilt. There's some form of resistance, there's that fear of failure, there's that doubt, there's the guilt, there's the whatever happening. Now I can just legitimately release and relax and release the old and take my eyes towards the new. And this is a simplification, right, okay. And there's all kinds of strategies of how to do this. We're not going to have time to talk about every strategy, but I'm trying to verbalize this so it makes sense to listeners.
Speaker 1:Here's the new TV, I'm taking my eyes towards it, I'm affirming it and I'm going to take some sort of authentic action, even though I'm in this visceral experience, I'm going to take an authentic action to step into this new paradigm. If I thought and felt that way and believed that way, how, right now, would I behave? So go ahead, authentically, act from that new paradigm right which, in a sales role, I would act and I would believe a certain way. I would walk into that next sales call with a certain vibration and all the things right. I would have a certain authentic conversation or transparent conversation with somebody, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Now I'm affirming that new belief and over enough time that new paradigm becomes fortified.
Speaker 1:And then now that becomes the dominant experience or paradigm where the old one begins to just kind of prune away.
Speaker 1:So it's a neurological pruning and priming and these two things are kind of almost have to be coexisting for that to happen. You can't prune something away in your life unless you have something else that you're priming with it right. So if you want to have a paradigm shift, you have to create that two TV technology, so what I like to call it right, or that competing circuit right, and that causes resistance because of multiple different layers, but neurologically something new, wiring and firing creates extra energy. It's going to feel like the unknown, it's going to feel like something unfamiliar. It's going to be processed as a threat because it's unknown and unfamiliar, because it hasn't been fortified yet, and that's all going to take resistance, because it hasn't been fortified yet, and that's all going to take resistance. And so there's going to be some sort of pulling back down into the old way, right? So there's my first illustration. I have others that we can chat about, but that's does that help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it does. Actually, I think of like the tendency that a lot of us have to to shrink, to hide, to retreat back. Right when we start to show up in new and different ways in our life whether that be, you know, showing up, doing speaking, creating a podcast, doing videos, maybe showing up in your workplace in a way that you haven't in the past before you're starting to take authentic action toward becoming this new version of yourself, it can feel really uncomfortable because, to the unknown, our brain processes that as a threat. It processes it as okay. There could be danger here, and the danger most of the time that we're looking at is this idea of social rejection, right?
Speaker 2:So when we think about the dip that I was experiencing and feeling judgmental of myself after being on sales calls, you know it's that fear of rejection.
Speaker 2:Well, what if I was misunderstood?
Speaker 2:Or what if they thought I was pushing them too hard?
Speaker 2:But at the end of the day, when you really check in with your actions and you really check in with who it is that you're becoming and the reason and the intention behind, maybe why you are being a little bit more bold with someone on a call, is it is because it's to serve that person.
Speaker 2:So we have to get our own ego and our own preferences out of the way enough to be able to recognize that this discomfort or this dip that I'm feeling is out of the way, enough to be able to recognize that this discomfort or this dip that I'm feeling is part of the growth process for me to move into being able to make a greater impact. And sometimes we get caught in that cognitive dissonance, we get caught in that space in between these two conflicting ideas or ideals of ourself, and that can feel really scary, and so the tendency is to shrink back to hide, to say, well, nevermind, I don't know why I was even trying to do this in the first place. Obviously I'm failing, obviously I'm bad at it. All the story, story, story.
Speaker 1:The easier part is to go do this other thing. I should just go do that. That'd be easier by this. Go do this other thing. You said something very. Do that. It'd be easier if I just go do this other thing. You said something very important there cognitive dissonance. That's exactly what's happening and it feels visceral and it feels like failure and it feels like you're doing something wrong, and then that dip of vibration, of energy then turns into an easier, like negative narrative of doubt, of judgment, of fear, of there not being enough, of not being enough and there not being enough. Oh my gosh, is the phone ever going to ring again? Right, and so, yeah, that is. It also makes me think, and there's so many different angles I want to talk about this from. But that also makes me think. Before we talk about how to, we're going to wait to talk about how to navigate it. I want to keep illustrating the dip a little bit further and then we'll talk about how to navigate it.
Speaker 1:All, right, from a surface level, makes me think of the hero's journey. Right, the hero's journey. I'm not going to go into every stage of it, but the simple form of the hero's journey is that there's a call to adventure of some sort, right that I'm being called to something new or different, a new way of of being in the world. There has to be some sort of a challenge, right what we call worthy challenge to initiate that call, right. So that call is that we are created as a challenge in our life, that we're saying we're going to step out and do this thing. It has to be something where you have the potential of failing, right, of not achieving it. Whatever that challenge is, for it to be worthy, it's going to be something where you're going to need to find mentorship, accountability. You're going to come across allies and foes along the way. But the main thing that we talked about here, that you have to do for it to be a worthy challenge, for it to be the hero's journey, is you have to step into the unknown. Unknown where it's going to feel like a threat to your brain, because the brain is trying to conserve energy. Therefore, anything unknown or unfamiliar is automatically processed as a threat. That means even a new belief about yourself can feel like a threat, right, and then you focus on oh well, I don't want to lose. You begin to focus on what you're losing more than what you're gaining. But in that process of stepping, of taking the call to adventure and engaging in the worthy challenge, and stepping in the unknown and meeting your mentors and allies in there in that process, somewhere there's what is called the death and the rebirth, and so it makes you curious about.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what is the death and the rebirth? That's the pruning and the priming Neurologically. If you talked about it from an ego and culture and have the right mentorship and have the built-up awareness of what's actually happened, it will pull you back down and crab you back into an old experience. Right, to be crabbed is to be pulled back down into the old paradigm, to the known, where now the brain is conserving energy. So you can look at it from a spiritual, egoic place.
Speaker 1:The hero's journey, neuroscience, it's all showing us the same thing that this is absolutely necessary for the birth, for the rebirth of something new and different, where you then reenter the world right From a new perspective, a new plateau, a new awareness, and you're able to then bring something to the world that you couldn't bring to the world before.
Speaker 1:Right, so now you are able to turn around and mentor and teach others. Let's say whatever that may be, but these hero's journeys can be happened on a daily, a weekly, monthly, quarterly, annually, like lifetime span. Everything in our life is one big old hero's journey, so that death and the rebirth, legitimately, there's times. I've told you, heidi, that when I'm going through one of these dips it feels like I'm dying, it feels like something inside of me is dying and the reality is is that you know, there was a past version of myself that was addicted to guilt, and that's the next piece I want to chat about after I finish. This piece is legitimately I was addicted to this dude, to this experience and this belief about myself and to the point where, when that began to die and that began to be pruned away and I began to prime a version of myself that was self felt and enough and an adequate and lovable right that that part of me had to die, it was not going with me on the journey.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right and so it felt like death. It's death to the ego and from a very high spiritual conversation just for just one second, because you know I just I can't handle not going there. Is that my goal and I think all of our goals, when we really get on this path of leading with our heart, of transformation, of impact and service to others, is that your true potential and connection to a higher power, to God and to your creator, is only possible to the level that you're willing to die of yourself. It's only possible like your highest potential is meaning that there's nothing left but you and God, meaning just the true you and God. There's not. All these lower aspects and beliefs and preferences have all been pruned away. They've been purified and worthy challenges in the hero's journey and embarking upon something new. And this paradigm shifting is a purification which means that something has to die and be set down, something else for make room for the birth of something new. The price of the new life is the old one.
Speaker 1:That's just heard you say that in a long time. Yeah, I haven't said it in a long time. That's in the book, isn't it? That's in choice point, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm feeling that.
Speaker 2:I am definitely feeling that on my own journey right now, and the thing that I recognize is like, the better I get and I said this before at the beginning the better that we get at noticing what's going on, the more we notice that we do go up and down, we do go through these dips, these ebbs and flows, these challenging moments where we have that choice to, you know, go back to the old way of being right and that, and that also is that mile marker is always changing too, as we continue to learn new things and grow and and move past obstacles and and shed the layers of everything that we're not.
Speaker 2:That mile marker moves to. We don't revert back to, you know, ourself at 20 years old and all those same habits, but we have, like the next one, because you strengthen that muscle, you strengthen that ability to be able to overcome resistance. So the next time that it pops up, that refractory period is what we call it that period of time that it lasts is shorter and shorter and shorter, because you recognize ah, I see what's going on here.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:I'm going to allow myself to feel this, to have, you know, have the experience. We're not talking about just bypassing anything negative that happens to feel it but to not go down that rabbit hole, to not revert back, to not hide, to not, you know, retreat back to old ways, to consciously choose who it is that we're becoming and continue to press forward and know that we're being strengthened and fortified, like you are strengthened through the fire, and that's really what it is.
Speaker 1:So it's brain resilience. There's a level of resiliency that's created every single time you learn to navigate the dip, and so you began to kind of you illustrated something there that I want to hit from one more angle, and then I want to have a quick conversation about, just from 10,000 feet of how to navigate the dip Right, and there's a there's multiple different things that I want to highlight within that. This, to me, has. I have come to realize that in my own journey, one of the things that I have incredible strength with is that I have been able to objectify experiences that I'm having in a way that it's able to. Then I'm able to notice it and I'm able to not judge it, and I'm able to reverse it right, and then I'm able to help others do the same, because I've been in the depths and I have pulled myself out of those depths and I've seen what has to happen along the way and felt what has to happen along the way and felt it all the way Right, and one of the pieces that gets left behind that Dr Joe Dispenza talks about is is you can have a new awareness, you have this paradigm shift, you can be viewing the new tv and you can have this moment of clarity and aha a, a raise of consciousness, or whatever you want to call it, but your body takes time to biologically catch up.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's go back to the guilt thing for just a moment. That was my predominant experience. For whatever reason, everything made me feel guilty. I would leave a conversation with a friend that was a beautiful conversation and I would drive away and I'd feel guilty like, oh, did I say this or did I not say that? Did I talk too much or whatever? Right, it was not even rational. It was just the experience I was having because of past conditioning, because how many times I had dipped into guilt and attached and identified to it, it becameirm it and to actually like live it out.
Speaker 1:But that experience of guilt has a certain cocktail to it. Right, that you drink, basically that your body gets addicted to that. Chemicals and hormones, right? Neurotransmitters, things that get released to your body, cortisol levels and different things that your body's like, oh yeah, so we get used to being stressed, we get used to guilt, we get used to, you know, being a high performer, and then if we're not performing at a 110% in seven days a week, then we feel like we're not. We're supposed to be doing something else. We're doing something wrong, whatever.
Speaker 2:How about drama, drama. Have you ever seen someone who's addicted to drama? Addicted to drama, someone that's a tough one, a parade, always show up right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like everything's happening to me in the world and blaming and pointing fingers, and all of this, at the end of the day, is neurologically happening, psychologically happening, but also chemically and hormonally happening, in a way where the part of that visceral feeling that we're experiencing is what we call an upgrade. You're upgrading your cocktail that you're feeding your body, and your body is still addicted to the old, and so they have to have this period of grace and patience to go through that dark night of the soul, that death and the rebirth of your body, getting used to this new cocktail of worthiness, your body getting used to this new cocktail of I'm enough, I'm adequate, I'm lovable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just working with a group of clients and we were working on this exact principle through one of the exercises that we do in the latter part of the the 10 week integrated mindset program, and it's really interesting, you know, we can cultivate this felt sense of who we're becoming within our body and we can speak the words and we can understand the concepts, but then to go out and authentically act and confirm that is often what where the resistance shows up, and and that's what my group is working through right now and it's really powerful to see people go through that shift because 100% we expect that dip and that resistance to be there, and so I love that you're going to share just a kind of a 10,000 foot overview of how to navigate that when it does show up, because this is all great, it's like, hey, I do want to become that version of myself. I want to overcome that resistance again and again and continue to get in the arena and fight that fight. But how do I do it?
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, first of all, expect it. That's the first thing is don't be surprised by it, don't be caught off guard by it. One of the things that is so incredibly important is that understanding, when we get pulled down into a dip, that we are meaning making machines and that when we feel something visceral, the signals that are being sent to our brain right, the information being sent to our brain, the resistance that we're experiencing from rejection, from a sales call or whatever right is that we are in charge of, how we respond and what we're going to make. It mean, attached to the narratives that are rooted in judgment and fear and doubt and shame and guilt. When you start to believe the activity of your mind, then it's going to be much harder to navigate that dip right. So expect it, number one, and be able to cultivate.
Speaker 1:What we teach is what we call the noticing game, the ability to remove yourself from your current visceral experience, the two things you have to be able to notice the sensations and that's why I call it visceral experience. I'm not calling it fear and doubt and shame and guilt, I'm calling it the visceral experience, the sensations inside your body and the dialogue. And when you're able to objectively just notice those things from a kind of a third-party perspective, almost right, like you're the one watching them and you're not all absorbed up in them and attached, identified to them, then that gives you another level or the ability, but that's a skill that we have to cultivate and we teach that skill, obviously right. So that's the piece. Now there is three basic ways and I've talked about this on multiple different areas and podcasts and programs and things of that nature. But there's three basic ways that we can give our body the perceived ability to cope. Okay, and that's what I want to talk about and that's where we can kind of discuss a little bit further. So number one is to sit with it, which means I'm in this visceral experience, I'm feeling this form of rejection, I feel like a failure, I feel like I'm not good enough. I hear the internal dialogue, I'm in the sensations, whoa, okay. I remember that podcast with Ryan and Heidi and Hart first talking about that.
Speaker 1:Dips are part of the growth journey and I've been really pushing recently and now here. It is awesome, you knew it was coming, so you're in it, you're in the thick of it, you're in a jungle, feels like right and it's like how do I hack my way out? Right, have these different little coping strategies. Number one is to sit with it, just be there, right, and we would. We would call this compassion and curiosity, right? So the expectation is kind of like this idea of taking full responsibility and and choosing growth and choosing to be uncomfortable and choosing to to launch yourself into the unknown, which that's control, taking control of your life. That's the first c. And then it's like okay, here it is, it's present. Compassion, notice the sensations. This is part of the human experience, right?
Speaker 1:Every human who grows and evolves and changes the paradigms of their living in to better themselves, for their environment, for their teams, for their lives, for their families, experiences dips like this, right, so don't judge it right. And then there's a level of curiosity like, hey, understand that this is actually a healing mechanism, like from our belief structure, this is God working in our life, this is God actually exposing something that is ready and in the need for healing. What I have come to realize is that your psyche is not going to expose anything to you that is not ready to be healed. So if you're in a dip, that part of you that's getting hit, that feels like it's dying off, it's ready to be released. So you sit with it and you learn how to let go behind it. You learn how to relax and release.
Speaker 1:If you're a fan of Michael Singer, that might be familiar to you Legitimately to sit with it and relax and release, now that it might be too intense, you may not be able to do that. Another way is to try to the best you can interdict it, which means you're not suppressing and repressing it, you're not bottling it up, but you're trying to just work your way through it by feeding yourself with some sort of affirmation or positivity or self-love activity, right, so you're doing something that you know that works for you. You're grounding, you're breathing, you're you're, you know, like I said, mantra, affirmation, work. You're listening to some positive music, uplifting music, you know. So don't be that person who gets rejected and then goes. Listen to the sad, soapy song who affirms it further. Try to shift your state.
Speaker 2:This could also be like looking for the gift in the situation or the lesson. So, for example, like with the sales call example, all right, well, this is a great opportunity, if I feel like there's something I could have done better here, to look at what did go well, what didn't go well, what would I do different next time, and then to be able to flip that around to really use it as a learning experience. And then now you've taken something that you could have been negative and judgmental about with yourself and maybe it started out that way, but you've taken it and you've now taken the posture as the teacher right and the learner. And what can I learn from myself in this situation so that next time I can do something better?
Speaker 2:Yeah, awesome so thank you for adding that.
Speaker 1:So, so you sit with it and to me, sitting with it as compassion and that form of curiosity what kind of a powerful question, you know, even like hey, what could I learn from this? Right, how could I refine my process? And again, each of these techniques I'm talking about, we could put hundreds of little subcategories underneath them, and this is what we call a repertoire of being able to navigate through stress and prepare for stress. Navigate through stress or reflect on the other side of stress, of stress reflection, right. So we're not going to get into the weeds with each of these techniques. You've got to have strategies.
Speaker 2:Like I have a sports team. Obviously I'm not, like, a huge sports person Ryan can speak to this but okay, let's say you're a football team. You'd have a lot of different plays, different strategies, different things that you're going to do.
Speaker 1:You can't just go out there and expect to get the result, doing the same thing every single time. You've got to be able to adapt. Yeah, you got to make it. You got to be able to make adjustments at halftime and come back out and change your game plan even though you thought it was going to work. It didn't work.
Speaker 1:Okay, what kind of the best coaches in the world? The ones that can go into halftime. I'm talking about football, obviously, right, you can go into halftime and this is probably most sports and make adjustments. Right, we're going to change this up, move this person here and do this, run that instead of this, whatever it is right. So being able to handle stress or handle dips is no different.
Speaker 1:The third one so it's sit with it, interdict it by affirmation or mantra or something, or. The third one is really important because maybe the first two aren't working. Take your eyes completely off of your life, take your eyes completely off of yourself. Dr Joe talks about this when it comes to take, when he leads his meditations, he says go to a place of being nowhere no body, no time, no place, no thing. And so that is taking your eyes off of your life, and when you do so, you open yourself up to possibility, and so eyes off yourself can be eyes to god, eyes to something, and this is where interdict and eyes of yourself can be a little bit the same. You can take your eyes something pleasurable a flower, a child, the horizon right but the main one, I believe, is to god or as a teammate.
Speaker 1:When I teach athletes, what I teach athletes, what I teach them is take your eyes to your teammates. You're in a bit of a dip, you're in a slump, you're not playing. Well, it's the middle of the game. Take your eyes off yourself, place them on your teammates, encourage them, lift them up, celebrate them and watch how you just, you just get out of your story Right. Get out of your story right, and so people might look at this as like serving others.
Speaker 1:Yes, good, you want to know why? Because it tells the brain that you're safe when you connect with others. Because our brain is a connection right Machine. Like it wants to connect, it's a social organ, right, the whole part of your brain is for social connection. So one of those three things will help to navigate through the debt, and another one I do want to verbalize. That I just recently taught to a client was we do something called a credibility book, a journal that anytime you do something well that goes well for you that you've achieved, like this is a journal that anytime you do something well that goes well for you that you've achieved, like this is a journal that's dedicated for just those things. And sometimes you got to remind yourself.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this goes up with clients all the time. They're like, okay, they'll be in a dip, they'll be in one of those moments where they're being self-critical or they don't think that they are where they should be, or they haven't made enough progress related to their expectation, and what? Then we start to go through the evidence, the evidence of the growth, and we're like, hey, remember at the beginning when you were saying this and now you're saying that. And remember when you were doing this and now you're doing that. And remember when you were doing this and now you're doing that, and now you're seeing this differently. And it's amazing just to see that the transformation on their face when they're like, oh, wow, I've had so many calls with clients where at the end they their takeaway was I'm actually doing a lot better than I thought I was.
Speaker 2:I'm actually really growing a lot more than I thought I was, because being able to point those things out, oftentimes our brain kind of hides that from us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:We don't see those growth markers and those things that we're doing well, we just see the things that we're not yet or we're not doing enough.
Speaker 2:It recalls failures and setbacks much easier than successes, and that's another survival mechanism of the brain. I do something in my photo album on my phone. When a client sends me, you know, a positive message or I get a testimonial, I put it in a photo album, and so if I'm ever having one of those moments where I'm questioning why am I doing what I'm doing, Like after a sales call that maybe didn't go the way I had hoped, I'll look at that and go yeah, these are the results that that I'm helping to create in people's lives, and so this is important work and I am going to keep going for for these people right here, Right, Because somebody is waiting for my help.
Speaker 1:Someone's ready yeah?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so it just builds up that credibility, which helps with the confidence piece when we are able to look back and reflect on something that we did go through, that was difficult and we overcame, or something that we accomplished that we're proud of.
Speaker 1:So I want to revisit this. I'm going to give one more. So the main three awesome, heidi. The main three was sit with it, interdict it or take your eyes off yourself. Right and again, there's a million strategies underneath each of those. Right, the credibility book like Heidi's talking about, and what we're talking about here is another like little trick. But the final step with this you cannot miss. Here's the, here's the.
Speaker 1:No matter how you navigated through, whether or not you expected it, whether or not you got caught up in it. Like here's the piece that you absolutely have to hear If you hear nothing else. You have to take an authentic action. You absolutely and this is where most people do a lot of work on themselves. They read a lot of books, they do a lot of podcasts and they do a lot of meditating. They do a lot of spiritual seeking, they do a lot of all kinds of introspection and deep diving and therapy and the EMDR and all these things.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, you got to get your ass up and get on that stage. Whatever that stage is, you got to authentically act from your future self. So you got to affirm the new paradigm you want to live. At some point you got to set a timer. At some point you're in that dip and I even have a thing that I learned from an old friend of mine that said she used to set a five, five minute timer. I'm kind of in my stuff All right, five minutes, go ahead, be there, right, and then. And then get up and act Right, and it might be more than five minutes. It's kind of a joke that we tell but it might be five hours, but don't make it five days.
Speaker 2:And don't make it.
Speaker 1:five years, don't make it five months or five years, right, it's five minutes, five hours. I can jive with that, right, but at some point you got to act, you got to step out, you got to go affirm. Well, if the best version of myself, what would I do? I'd get back on and make the next post on social. I'd get back on the next phone call, I'd go. The next thing I would, I would have that next conversation. I'd go train, I'd go this, I'd go that. I'd then go do that thing, because that is what is going to.
Speaker 1:The brain is created through experience, right, and we're not going to talk about all the powers of visualization and all that stuff, because you can use visualization to navigate through dips too, but that's again, that's a subcategory of everything else.
Speaker 1:We're talking about the point of it, that's eyes off yourself and on for your future.
Speaker 1:But you have to act and that's going to affirm it and that's what's going to break the chains, right, and that's what's going to create the new and that's what's going to fortify the new paradigm and eventually, over time, with enough authentic action, integration happens. And integration, then, is basically the new pathway, being the predominant experience of being enough, being worthy, being good enough, being lovable, being adequate, whatever that may be, within whatever context of life that you're trying to transform to as a salesman, as a spouse, as a father and mother, whatever right. But you have to act as your best self to whatever degree you possibly can in those moments when you're in the dip and it's visceral and you've worked in through it and you've learned a lesson and you've received a gift and you sat with it and you've taken your eyes to your teammates and whatever else. Now you just got to get out there and play the game, baby. Got to just go play the game and that's it. Any last thoughts, honey?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love it. I think sometimes we get caught up in listening to that voice of negativity that's telling us that we're not doing enough or we're not there yet, and taking our eyes off ourselves, putting our eyes to god, like I am who you say I am and that's it. So I'm going to continue to show up for my mission and continue to show up for growth and learning the lessons along the way, because that's all part of it. Yeah, beautiful awesome.
Speaker 1:Thank you for your time. We'll see you next show.
