Welcome to Heart First Leadership, the podcast that explores a revolutionary approach to leadership. In a world that often prioritizes success above all else, it's easy to find ourselves leading from a space of fear, doubt, and unworthiness. There is a new way!
Join me, your host Ryan Sawyer, and my co-host and wife, Heidi Sawyer, on a transformative journey as we seek to inspire and guide leaders, parents, and athletes to unlock the secrets to a truly fulfilling life—one that resonates from the heart. In Heart First, we challenge the conventional norms and embark on a voyage together, where heart-driven leadership becomes the compass for a life well lived.
Are you ready to redefine where you lead from? Let's dive into meaningful conversations, insights, and practical tips that will empower you to embrace a new paradigm of leadership.
Discover the transformative power of the company you keep as we unveil the striking findings from a Harvard study showing just how much our social circles can make or break our success. You're invited to engage with us on a journey through the art of conversation and its role in manifesting the future you desire. We navigate the nuances of dialogue, from the words we choose to the topics we discuss, emphasizing how each conversation can be a stepping stone to a life that's vibrant and fulfilling. Join us as we share practical tips on how to elevate both your internal and external discourse, ensuring your words consistently align with the vision you have for your life.
Ever wonder how some people seem to effortlessly attract success and growth? The secret might just lie in the 'future-present' conversations they're having. In this episode, we highlight the magic these discussions hold in charting the course of our lives, challenging the idea that history is doomed to repeat itself. With a focus on crafting conversations that propel us forward, we'll also spotlight the importance of nurturing relationships that bolster our aspirations. Tune in for an episode brimming with strategies to help you consciously curate not just your friendships, but every word you speak, setting the foundation for the reality you aim to create.
Welcome back to the show. So today I want to talk about what kind of conversations are you having? We know about the circle of influence You've heard that so many times that we become who we spend time with, the circle of influence of five people who you spend the most time with, and there's an incredible amount of science that comes out about that. But I want to take it a step further. So you look at the circle of influence. Harvard did a study 99% of the factors that are going to play into your success is the people who you spend time with. Even just being around somebody who is performing at a high level or has a positive mindset, a growth mindset, your performance increases by 15% Just being within 25 feet of that individual. If you're around people who have a fixed mindset or have a more of a victim orientation and a negative way of looking at the world, your performance drops by 30% Just being within 25 feet of the individual, not even talking to them, just being in their field. So the people who you're around, who are negative, have a larger impact on your life, on your performance, on your ability to perform a 30% decrease just being within 25 feet of people that are of a negative mindset or a fixed mindset or a victim consciousness orientation A 15% increase just being in the same field of those people who believe that change is possible. So we know that we become what we are influenced by in our circle of influence. We know it's important to curate those people who we spend time with and to potentially declutter those people who aren't feeding into our lives, that are stealing and taking more from us than they're giving. We know the importance of circle of influence, but again, let's take it a step further.
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What type of conversations are you having? Have you ever heard of the power of the spoken word To be impeccable with your word? It's one of the four agreements. How do they recommend that book if you haven't read it? If you have read it, revisit it. It's one of those books that I listened to at least once a year and I always love to come back and really investigate that piece and really come back and be impeccable with your word, because what we converse about, we bring about, our conversations, play a huge role into the life that we are living, the experiences that we are having, and if we are constantly having conversations that are, in this current circumstance, trying to overcome the problem, trying to figure out what's going wrong with the world. We're going to then bring attention to the negative aspects of our circumstances or our experiences. You're either talking about the problem or you're talking about the solution. You're either talking about the past and because the moment that is unfolding in front of you has more to do with what you have thought, the conversations you have had. If you are not 100% fulfilled by the moment that is unfolding in front of you, have a different conversation. Yes, curate your circle of influence, but make sure that you're having conversations about the future. Make sure you have conversations about what you want. Make sure you have conversations about what lights you up. Make sure you have conversations that lead to growth, that lead to expansion.
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It's fun once in a while to get together with the old crew, the old friends. Maybe some of them are growing, maybe some of them aren't. Maybe it's fun to get together with them and rehash old memories. To be honest with you, if you're not having conversations about what's to come about, an optimistic view of the future, about what it is that you're creating, how you're challenging yourself and how you're growing, you probably don't talk to me very often because I'm not having those conversations about the past? I'm not willing to. I'm not even having conversations about what's happening right here in front of us, as if there's something wrong with it. It's exactly as it's supposed to be, because it's as it is.
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If you want something new or different in your life, you have to not only surround yourself with people that you feel like are going to lift you up, but then you have to be very, very intentional and take inventory about what kind of conversations are you having. Are you just hashing over your problems, talking about what's wrong with the world, talking about how it's going down the tube or whatever? Is those type of conversations that you're having? Even me, just saying that out loud, I didn't like how I felt internally. If you're talking about your problems, you are more of the problem than the solution. There's a time and a place unpack and to be task oriented and to have to get through something that's right in front of you, yes, but 80% of your conversations should be about where you're going. Your eyes should be on the horizon, about your potential and who you're becoming. The only way to become unlimited is to have conversations about being unlimited. The only way to be free is to have conversations about freedom. The only way to feel and create what you want is to talk about the things that you want. Talk about the type of experiences that you want to have and they're not going to be in the past.
Speaker 1:
Be very, very curious about the conversations that you're having and begin to challenge yourself to say, oh wow, here's a simple little tool that we like to use in our home and I think it's awesome. I want you to take a week and make sure you let people know you're doing this in your environment. Do not do this unless they know. But as you're talking or other people are speaking to you, is that a complaint or a request? And you start to recognize when you're speaking. Am I complaining? Am I requesting something to be different? Am I working towards creating a different and new relationship with my spouse? Am I working towards creating a different bond with my children? Am I working towards and creating a more growth-oriented environment for my employees? Am I working on and creating something new and different? And it's all about what you assume. So here's the piece. I wasn't going to talk about this on this podcast, but it's coming up in my mind. So here we go.
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There's a law called the Law of Assumption what you assume is going to happen, what you expect is going to happen, is more likely to happen. That's the placebo effect. So if you expect to see something, your attention is more drawn towards finding those things. A reticular activating system is one where, when we expect to see something positive, we look and we find the positive, we find the silver lining, we find the meaning in something, and then that's where our attention goes. It's more probable for our attention to go towards what we expect to see. But there's also another element to this. We know that, maybe to a certain degree, that we, for example, when we bought a Ford Explorer, a white Ford Explorer, I didn't ever notice them before. Now I see them all over the road Right. So now I'm primed to see that white Ford Explorer. But beyond that, we can actually influence our environments through the law of assumption.
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So let's look at it from a parent perspective. Let's look at it from a coaching perspective. Let's say you're a sports coach or a parent and sometimes it gets really, really easy to complain about. Well, they don't do this and they do that, and they're just not picking this part up and they're struggling with this or that. So we're seeing them as they are. We're seeing our child or our parent or our player as they are, as a parent or as a coach, or, rather than assuming the best, being optimistic, feeling like something good is about to happen. Optimism is an incredible tool for mental toughness to have a fundamental belief that something good is about to happen and to practice seeing your child or your player, or even your spouse, as the best version of themselves. See them growing and becoming something that they currently aren't showing, because that potential lies in all of us, and if we are stuck in our story of how things currently are, guess what? We're going to continue to recreate more things of how they currently are. So you have to have conversations about being unlimited. To be unlimited, you have to have conversations about new levels of confidence. To breed new confidence, you have to have conversations about who you're becoming, to become it, and you have to assume it as if it is. So let me give you an example.
Speaker 1:
I work with sports teams and the players that I'm working with. I don't see them as they are. I see them as they could be. If we treat man as they are, man as man or woman, human as they are, they stay as they are. But if we look at people and we view people and we treat them as what they could be, they become what they're meant to be. So my job as a coach, I'm not coaching drills, I'm not coaching technique. Those days are past. I'm coaching mindset, I'm coaching emotional intelligence, I'm coaching the ability for them to understand how to use their mind to become something they currently don't believe they can be, to expand what they see as possible, and I do that by teaching them mental skills that make that possible. But, more importantly, I do that by seeing that in them, by relentlessly seeing that in them. And it can happen in a moment by moment basis, even the middle of competition. For example, for a volleyball team that I'm working with, when one of the players grabs the ball to make a serve, I see the ball going across the net and having it being a great serve. And if there's a moment of adversity, I see that team answering to that moment of adversity. I assume the best. I always believe that something good is about to happen. Assume the best.
Speaker 1:
Have conversations about things turning out, about things changing and transforming, about things growing and evolving, about where you're going and who you're becoming experiences that you want to have. How easy is it for us to get caught in patterns and loops of complaining, of talking about what's wrong, about wishing things were different, and if we're in that state of complacency, if we're in that state of complaining, we're going to create more of what we do not want. So what type of conversations are you having? Are they one of optimism or doubt? Are they one of love or fear? Are they one of potential, impossibility or limit and doubt, fear, judgment, and you're doing this for yourself.
Speaker 1:
What I mean is that you are having an internal dialogue. Is your internal dialogue something that is going to help to be the conversation that you're having internally that's going to create a greater concept of you and expand your potential? And then look at your circle of influence and look at the conversations you're having as a family, look at the conversations you're having about your day, look at the conversations you're having with your friends, and if your conversations with your friends and your family are not ones that are lifting you up at least 80% of the time towards a new experience and a new version of yourself, it's time to check, check, check, get the line of scrimmage and maybe, if those people around you aren't able or willing to have conversations that lift you up and help you to expand, it's time to find new people, or at least seek out circles that are having those conversations. Seek out groups, seek out coaching that are having those conversations. So one of the most important things and the things I love most about what I do is that it legitimately forces me into conversations that are future-present-based, because if you do not intentionally create future-present conversations, you are going to have past-present conversations, that the present moment will be more predicated upon the past rather than the future. The two can be intertangled. So it's up to us whether we're tangling the present moment with the future or with the past.
Speaker 1:
Yes, history repeats itself because we're the ones repeating it. You, as a human being, have incredible ability to influence your environment through influencing your own mind. Why does history repeat itself? Because we, as human beings, talk about it, about how it's going to repeat itself. We, as human beings, talk about what's wrong more than about what's right. We talk about what we didn't do well more than what we did do well. Do we need to evaluate ourselves so we can grow? Absolutely, but then learn your lesson and move forward.
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Take your eyes to the horizon and focus on who you're becoming and what you want, what you want to experience and the impact that you want to make, and begin to train your mind.
Speaker 1:
Learn to train your mind to be future-based Future-present base rather than past-present base. But you have to start by taking inventory of the conversations that you're having internally and within your circle, and I highly recommend for you to seek out circles that are having conversations that are going to begin to support you and creating a future-present reality, because it's the conversations that were happening individually and collectively that's making the next moment unfold the way it is. It's already done based upon the conversations you just had. Tomorrow, when you wake up, tomorrow is going to unfold exactly how you had as conversations today the conversations you had with yourself, with your spouse, with your environment, as you were getting ready for bed and going to sleep. The next day is already set based upon the conversations that you're having today. So, if you want tomorrow to be something new, something different, something more open, something more fulfilling, change the conversations you're having today and it'll change tomorrow.
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