Description: Join us in this episode as we delve into the art of playing the long game in life. In a world where instant gratification often takes precedence, we explore the profound benefits of embracing patience, setting meaningful goals, and cultivating resilience. From prioritizing balance to practicing gratitude, we uncover practical strategies for maximizing mindset and overall well-being. Tune in as we discuss how embracing the journey can lead to lasting fulfillment and success.
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Description: Join us in this episode as we delve into the art of playing the long game in life. In a world where instant gratification often takes precedence, we explore the profound benefits of embracing patience, setting meaningful goals, and cultivating resilience. From prioritizing balance to practicing gratitude, we uncover practical strategies for maximizing mindset and overall well-being. Tune in as we discuss how embracing the journey can lead to lasting fulfillment and success.
Book a FREE Clarity Call
Prep Like A Pro:
Do you have a significant competition, speech, interview, or event coming up?
Let's get you prepping like a pro- I'm giving away my pre-competition prep tools FREE
>>> Download My Systems FREE
Website: www.ihpcoaching.com
Follow Us on IG: @ihpcoaching
Welcome back to the show. Heidi, Welcome again. How are you?
Speaker 2:I'm doing great. Spring is here and I'm excited about that.
Speaker 1:You may be noticing a trend where Heidi has been revisiting me here on this podcast on a regular basis. So just stay tuned. Maybe I have coerced her back in to be part of this podcast Most of the time. I don don't know. I'm kind of excited about it. So there will still be occasional uh solo cast, but it's always so much more enjoyable to have a conversation with you rather than by myself.
Speaker 1:It's weird, I don't know why, but that whole talking to nobody thing yeah, whole talking to nobody thing is not nearly as enjoyable yeah, and we're glad you're here with us too.
Speaker 2:Thanks for taking the time to listen to the podcast. We've got a great topic today. We're excited to dive in.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So last last talk was getting back to the basics, right, whenever you're kind of maybe experiencing a little bit of a dip or that doubt or feeling like you're doing something wrong and been wrong, and and it's it's the other thing that came to mind as we discussed that is is also understanding that this game that you're playing in heart first, leadership and exploring whether you're building a business or creating meaningful relationship or really, you know, wanting to explore your purpose in life is that we have to play the long game. So playing the long game is is there's different elements to that, but to know that number one, the first thing that comes to mind is that, like, identify what keeps us from the long game. Right, we have to declutter first. Was keeping it, keeping us from it?
Speaker 1:Well, I would first say that we live in this fast paced, high information, highand world that is constantly and I actually just had a conversation with a friend of mine about this constantly distracting us, constantly pulling our attention and our awareness in our mind, is to create certain bufferings and rationalizations and justifications and distractions, as it is any way to try to conserve energy, especially when you're really on to living your life in an uncommon, meaningful, purposeful way, like we're talking about when it comes to leading heart, first you're. You have to be willing to be uncommon, to be different, to go against the trend, to not follow the crowd, to do something new and different, right. And so, yeah, mastering the long game is going to be huge, to make sure you don't get distracted by the high information, high distraction world I would also add instant gratification world that we live in.
Speaker 2:When we're talking about long-term goals and the long game. That can be really tempting to fall into those traps of like, okay, I could do this and have it right now, because it's it's like that comedian says prime now, two day shipping isn't bad for us these days. So, yeah, we want it yesterday, and that's a big part of the world that we live in today is it's got to be faster. It needs to be happening almost instantaneously, and what we're talking about is a level of patience that comes with. You know we're going to get into the other parts of this, but when we set meaningful goals, having the level of patience and being able to enjoy the process instead of needing to have the end result immediately- yeah, so enjoy the process looks like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just, first and foremost, practicing patience. You know, for things to and this you know whether you're talking about how you know growth happens within neuroscience, or or just the idea this you know whether you're talking about how you know growth happens within neuroscience, or just the idea that you know we aren't in control sometimes of how long things take, even though we want things to be done Now, yesterday. That patience is a practice that needs to be engaged with. That needs to be engaged with, and one of the things that has been beneficial for us to stay the course is that we have created a vision of sorts, an ideal of sorts, that we're kind of progressing and working towards. That's a decade from now.
Speaker 1:Right, I actually recorded it four years ago was, hey, you know what that was at a time when I recognized it was going to be. So it was a 14 year vision at the time, because my daughter was four and, um, or wait, she was six. What time? Well, it must've been six years ago, so it must've been a 16 year vision. Anyway, the point of the matter is is that I recognized that sometimes I got caught up in this wanting things to be different now, wanting things to, you know, show up sooner, faster, easier than they were. And so I created this, this kind of ideal of our lives, of impact and of experience that played out all the way through our children's childhood right to where, okay, now they're graduated high school and and spreading their wings and and then they're gone from the house and we're empty nesters. Then then there can be this like re-enrollment into our life in a new and different way and, you know, shifting our attention in a new and different way potentially.
Speaker 1:But this, that practice of like really projecting out to the long game, really gave me a sense of like patience and grace, like slow down right, Like you know where you want to be, you know, over a decade from now and as long as you're making these little tiny micro improvements to get there, like it's all going to, it's all going to happen right, it's all going to be experienced. So, in creating that level of patience is incredibly important. Anything within that, Heidi.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think when we get impatient with things like that, that's when we have a tendency to quit on ourselves, to quit on our dreams, to quit on our goals because it doesn't seem to be happening fast enough. And the people who get far in this life and who make a great impact and do great things are the ones who stick with it, who hold that vision even when it gets hard, even when it doesn't come in the way, the ways that you expect it to or the timing that you expect it to. I think there's a level of faith involved in that. I think there's a level of faith involved in that and with that, you know patience that we can develop through practicing that faith. Then it makes the waiting a little bit easier and it helps us to focus on the experience that we're having in the process instead of just the result that we're trying to achieve.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, I love that you bring that up, because the next thing that was kind of on my mind was this idea of making sure that the life that you are working towards, the experience that you are wanting to create, is one that's of true meaning in your life and not just the individual meaning of your life, but that there is something that you are working towards that's much greater, and if and if and if you have a hard time staying kind of in the work that you want to create, it's chances are that it's potentially something that is too self-serving, meaning that that it's hard to stay motivated when the only thing that you're focusing on is yourself rather than you know either.
Speaker 1:It's the idea of doing the will of God and finding a greater purpose and really truly feeling like you're fulfilling your specific purpose in the world and that's somehow impacting people, and so making sure that the ideal, what you're working towards, has a real, true meaning in it, to where it's like man, even when you come off course, when you revisit it, it's really easy to like get back aligned in action, because it's something so much greater than just making a certain amount of money or in any time that we've ever set goals that are more, but I would quote, to be selfish, right or self-serving.
Speaker 1:Honestly, they don't last more than probably weeks, maybe months, but typically they last a few weeks before they just kind of peter out and I lose the motivation and I'm like, well, I don't know, why are we doing this again? But when it's really fixing your eyes on something really, really meaningful, then just it seems to stay. You seem to stay in a place where you're really, you know, coming from a place of more pureness and clarity as well, which makes it easier to stay on track.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it doesn't have to be what you're doing professionally either. This could be another calling that you have in your life to make a contribution to your community or to others in a way that's significant. It doesn't have to be just your financial goals or your business or career. It can be other ways that you're spending your time. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, it's just a way of living your life right. That's the whole point. It doesn't have to necessarily be like Heidi's saying it's. It's a way that you are approaching life and the way that you are experiencing you in life in itself Right, and it doesn't matter whether you're, you know, a construction worker or, you know, make it or curing cancer. It doesn't.
Speaker 1:There's no point of that, you know, and it's not one way or the other is the fact that you are working towards an experience of life that is truly fulfilling to you, you know, and meaningful to you to whatever that, whatever that is.
Speaker 1:But if you're not exploring what that meaning is, then it's going to potentially fall short and be short-lived and be very conditional by things outside of you. You know. You know. So, in that whatever, and it just seems to be too that the greater you get connection to the meaning and the more impact that you make and the more that you like work towards that in your life, one of the things you're going to experience is some dips along the way and so being able to, and some adversity and some resistance. How many times have we gotten clear about something? We take action towards something? I'm like boom, get hit, slapped in the face with some form of resistance, where that shows up as relational stuff or financial or business or whatever it shows up and it's like, oh, here it is, here's something we have to work through, there's a setback, here's what kind of something. That feels like failure, uh, feels like a mistake of some sort.
Speaker 2:So, embracing those dips and working through those dips as they show up, like completely expecting them, let's talk about this myth that just for a minute, that that people have, especially, um, when they're trying to do new ventures, new businesses, things like that, it should be easy. If it's right for me, then it should just flow and be easy and graceful, and so if it's not flowing and there's resistance, then something's gone wrong, that I'm not on the right track. I need to redirect.
Speaker 2:I think that that's a really harmful message, because in growth, there is resistance every single time, and to think that it's going to be, you don't have to necessarily be beating your head against the wall all day trying to do something, but there are going to be moments that are difficult. There are going to be challenges there. That is what causes us to grow. If we went in the gym and it was easy every time, you're not going to make much progress. You're not building muscle. You're not doing something that you're not going to make much progress. You're not building muscle. You're not doing something that creates resistance. And so I think that oftentimes, when people quit too soon on their goals, it's because of this. They're believing this message that if it's right for you, it's just going to be easy.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's just not the case.
Speaker 1:This makes me want to kind of unpack that a little bit. I'm really glad you brought that up, heidi, because what is the difference between the idea that life's a struggle and you got to grind versus the fact that resistance has to be present for there to be change and growth, for you to unhide, for you to create new, new ways of being, new paradigm shifts, new neurological pathways? There has to be a competing circuit. There has our mind has to go through this moment of dissonance. Right, and we're going to actually get to talk about in a future podcast. We're going to talk about dips and how to navigate them and and how to normalize them.
Speaker 1:But in this moment I would love to just try to unpack that a little bit, to say it's not necessarily because there's moments of difficulty, because there's moments of resistance, doesn't mean that it has to be hard. Hard for me anyway, in my own personal experience, is when I resist the resistance, when I don't allow for the resistance to be there and actually welcome it, embrace it, learn from it, explore it, not judge it be curious about it and learn to navigate it with grace and expectations that you thought it was going to be different than it is, that you expected to be different, that the timeline is and this person not doing right and so all these things. How it's unfolding is not how you prefer for it to unfold, um, but but to to release. To release that, and so because we're kind of choosing for it to be hard as you resist the resistance. But if you can get better at just allowing the resistance to be there and still stay in the course, then I believe those can be a lot less prominent and derailing, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's always in the middle. The answer is always in the middle, right? We don't want to assume that everything has to be hard. It's going to be a struggle, it's going to be an uphill battle and therefore we're seeking, you know, through our attention. We're seeking more challenge, right? We could potentially even creating more challenge than needs to be, if we're so focused on that mentality or that mindset that it needs to be hard and it's supposed to be hard. We also don't want to think the opposite, which we just talked about this is supposed to be easy, and if it is challenging, then something's gone wrong. So I should probably quit and do something else. That's harmful as well. But if we can, I think what I'm hearing you say is, if we can meet in the middle there, if we can say you know what, there's going to be moments that are going to be full of ease and grace, and then there's going to be moments that there's challenge and resistance, and my job is to bring ease and grace into the moments that are full of challenge and resistance.
Speaker 1:I love that. Yeah, so it brings me back back to. I always relate everything back to either neuroscience or meditation, right? So one of my meditation teachers talks about if you're experiencing something in meditation which then correlates to what you're experiencing in life. Usually, if you're, if you're a strong meditator, you notice your meditations are typically in some way, shape or form, an illustration of of your life, of what's happening and what's present. So if it's really truly noisy in there during meditation, then you probably have a lot going on and a little bit of decluttering to do in your external life and your busy life as well. And when it's very peaceful and almost really almost content, that's when we should like pick up the next thing and act right. That's when we should like pick up the next thing and act right, and so, um, what he would say is don't expect it right and and don't judge it either way. So if it continues to show up where your mind is just overactive in meditation, like don't, don't go into meditation expecting that to happen, right, and then obviously, if it's happening like don't, uh, don't judge it right, so just let it be there as it is. So I would say the same thing as what you're talking about within.
Speaker 1:You know life and the resistance that shows up.
Speaker 1:Right, because a lot of time, that's it's exactly what we need to experience, whatever, whatever it is that we're experiencing to be able to prepare us to evolve into the version that we want to become, to be able to execute the life or the worthy ideal we want to create, that resistance is actually 100% the healing vehicle that allows for you to lead even even further from your heart to more pure place. So I just bring that back to to the, to the teachings of of of my meditation teacher, who's incredible um is is that piece like, okay, that's happening in your meditation. Yeah, don't expect it to happen, don't expect it not to happen. Each and every single moment is unto itself, and so it doesn't have to be hard because it was hard for somebody else. It doesn't have to be a struggle because it was a struggle for somebody else. But then now your experience is that this resistance is showing up like, okay, good to not judge that, and embracing that. The more you embrace adversity, the more resilient that you become, plain and simple.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So what are some of the points that we want to hit for someone who's really thinking about having this longer-term vision and being able to have that stick-to-itiveness when it comes to their goals? Because what we just talked about is definitely mindset, and that's a huge, huge component of it. But what are some of the other kind of steps that they would need to take?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I think that, focusing on your mental and emotional wellbeing, I had a group yesterday start, and one of the one of the group members had an aha moment or a takeaway that that said you know, I have, I have all these plans for my physical, you know, health, I have all these plans for business, but I've never created a mental and emotional well-being plan. And as he looked at the integrated mindset content that we were going to explore over the next 10 weeks, he was like this seems like to be a very structured, well out, organized plan for my mental and emotional wellbeing. I'm like I like that, like that's good, I'm going to use that, and so that that to me is, as you're taking the long approach, as you're mastering a long game, like that has to be fundamental piece. You have to learn how to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being, because you're going to get caught up in patterns and loops of overdoing the doings right and allowing for stress to creep in, allowing for expectations to to create a form of attachment. So what is your mental and emotional wellbeing right and which you know? I highly recommend that, and even Stephanie Fay, our neuroscience specialist who we work with, said the number one thing that she would recommend for anybody is some form of meditation, some form of mindfulness practice that allows for you to give yourself a break from the doings and to strengthen certain aspects of your brain and your mind.
Speaker 1:So you know, having a plan for mental and emotional well-being and then keeping the final one, I would say, and I'll let you, you, let you give me any feedback on this, but keeping an open, accepting awareness that you're really truly practicing gratitude and feeling that sense of openness and gratitude to life, that you're able to acknowledge the things that you have to celebrate the wins that you have created, the little glimpses of goodness in your life, no matter how small it may be.
Speaker 1:Because when you take the long road, when you take the that piece and you have this desire towards working towards that worthy ideal, a lot of days it's going to feel like you're at base camp, right, and you're looking up at this mountain and it. So it becomes. It becomes a skill, like anything else, to be able to record, you know, and to keep track of the little things in your life that are gifts and that are of goodness right, the little tiny wins, and so to be able to track that and practice a sense of gratitude around those things will help to create a sense of well-being as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. I think how well you handle the resistance and the challenges that pop up is going to be directly related to your mental and emotional well-being. So having a plan for that, first and foremost, making that the priority, making your experience as you go through the process the priority. I was working with an integrated mindset group the other day and we were talking about this idea of the internal experience and being more process oriented than results driven, and we were talking about the example of someone who decides to set a goal to get really fit.
Speaker 2:And you have one person who decides to start running and they're enjoying the process of it. They like the way the wind feels when they're running, they like the way that they feel energized throughout the day. They're just enjoying the experience and the process of it, versus somebody who books a vacation and wants to look good in their bathing suit, right, they're focused on the end result and the running is something that they're doing as a means to an end as opposed to being able to fully be present in the experience and enjoying it, and that just feeds back into our mental and emotional wellbeing and then that creates a cycle that's actually serving us instead of a cycle that is causing us to push, push, push really hard, grind, get to the goal, only to be completely depleted by the process.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Cause we're never really actually getting anywhere but, you're going to be right there, here, in this moment, where you are right and so there is no destination.
Speaker 1:And when we become too outcome uh oriented versus your outcome fixed or or focused versus process oriented, then, yeah, we create, set ourselves up for unnecessary suffering, right, so to you know, we hear this all the time but to really truly practice on embracing the journey, embracing the process and mastering the process. Because even in sports, when I'm working with teams like I cannot verbalize it enough that if you begin to focus on a specific outcome, you start to play tight, you start to be, you start to play with a little bit of fear Like, what if that outcome doesn't happen? Right, and there's all kinds of psychology things that we can go into when it comes to that. But the point is that when you relentlessly focus on the process and the process is practice and preparation and even moment by moment transitions from, you know, in the middle of the competitive environment, right, then you're giving yourself the best possible chance to create the best possible outcome, whatever that outcome is going to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But, ask somebody who's in sales, you know if you're focused on getting the sale and that's it, you've got to make that sale, you've got to get your commission or make your quota or whatever it is, and you then you're missing the point of building the relationship and having the experience throughout the sales process, to where you're actually not only serving that person but it's feeding back into your own system as well, because you're having this positive interaction which makes a difference in the world, when you treat someone well and they go out and they've had that experience of you and they share that ripple effect with other people. That's the point of what we're all doing here. It's not just about creating results and meeting goals and quotas. It's about actually the experience that you're having, because that experience is what impacts other people, and those are those are the interactions that can change the trajectory of other people's experience in ways that you don't even realize. Like you, you, having a positive interaction with someone, can change multiple different lives in the same day.
Speaker 1:I mean, I can sit here from this moment right now in life and I'm having one of those very calm and present moments with my mind today. So it's easy to do this. Some days it's not as easy, but today is one of those days where things are very still in there and I'm able to clearly see how, no matter what I've ever accomplished in business or in life or whatever it may be, that yeah, the moment of accomplishment was fun or it was a good celebration, but the celebration was intensified because of the process, right, and it was the process in itself that led to that moment or that achievement that I actually enjoyed the most. It was being in the work and figuring out how to improve and how to get it done and pushing through and doing those things. Because whatever destination that we're after in life, whatever destination that you're going towards in life, it's going to be meaningless unless you have invested yourself in the process, in the actual process to working there.
Speaker 1:I mean, if I go out and play my 10-year-old daughter in basketball in the driveway and I beat her like but it didn't take, you know this age yet still it's pretty easy to beat my 10-year-old daughter in basketball like it doesn't have much meaning to it. It doesn't have much meaning to it. It doesn't have much meaning to it, right. But the meaning behind you know a competitive environment that takes all of your preparation and all of your mindset and all of your willpower, and then you find a way to come out on top in that environment. Like that's what creates a celebration. Celebration is because what you put into it right, and so don't miss what you are being asked to put into the place that you're destined to work towards, because that's what's going to make it fulfilling along the way, and otherwise it's just yeah, there's a destination and I'm there and I achieved the thing, but who cares?
Speaker 2:And there's so much character development that can happen for us as we continue to press on and look at the long-term goal.
Speaker 2:There's a lot that that we can become in that process. But what we tend to do is put the pot of water on the stove and we go well, it's not boiling yet and we pull it off. Well, it's not boiling yet. We pull it off again and we might be just a few minutes away from that that change occurring or that happening. But, um, we go for that instant gratification and it's not happening fast enough. But there's so much growth and so many amazing changes that happen when we do stick with things long term and we continue to allow ourselves to experience the resistance and find new and different ways to overcome by really strengthening that range and repertoire of strategies that we have to be able to keep coming back to center, to be able to keep coming back to the experience that we want to be having, no matter what's happening outside of us. And it takes practice, but that's the only way we get the practice is by leaving the pot on the stove long enough to experience a change.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you saying that, I want to. I want to add one more piece, as we're talking about focusing on the process or, you know, embracing the journey, or whatever the terminology that resonates with you the most is that I think it's important to to to also embrace your individual journey and especially, even like with what we're doing now. Let's just consider this podcast as part of what we're talking about. Right, you do so much of watching what other people are doing and how they're doing it and what's working for them, what's not working for them, and some of that's valuable, but we personally, in this business of our coaching business, experiencing way more success and joy, as we are just saying. Well, this is how we're going to do it, this is how we do it, this is our approach, we're going to do it this way, x, y, z, that way, and because this is our focus and our meaningful destination we're working towards, we want to truly, truly be developing something here that is allowing for us to walk the highest path and I'm not going to go knee deep into that right now, but the highest path for us is to truly feel like we are doing the will of what God is asking us to do, and that's heart first, right and so embracing. That is our unique and individual journey that legitimately has nothing to do with anybody else, right, legitimately nothing to do with anybody else in the sense of how other people are doing whatever it is you're doing. So, whatever it is that you're working towards within your life, whatever worthy ideal you're working towards, whatever experience of life you want to create, whatever impact you want to try to create in your life, what is that destination, that meaningful, purposeful goal that you're creating in your life? And it might be within your own family, right, it doesn't have to be some big old audacious trying to change the world thing, but you know, know that it's individually your experience, it's individually your path, and nobody is ever going to live it again. No one's ever going to live it again. No one's ever going to experience it again. No one has ever experienced it since.
Speaker 1:Right and so, um, I just read a little passage from marco or marcus aurelius, uh, his meditation book this morning. It was talking about even life and death and it was saying you're the only one who ever is going to live your life and death. It was saying you're the only one who ever is going to live your life and the only one who's ever going to die your death. It's your death to bear. And it was like just even thinking of life and death in that way, it's like, yeah, I get to experience this, mine, right, it's mine to experience and it's a beautiful, beautiful experience of the journey that nobody else is in there. Even though you do have a couple of different voices in there, I'm just saying you're the only one actually in there Another podcast.
Speaker 1:That's a whole other deal, but you're the only one in there. There's one of you actually in there, even though there's multiple other parts that are trying to distract you.
Speaker 2:You have opinions about things.
Speaker 1:There's multiple other parts that are trying to distract you. Having opinions about things. Yeah, have all kinds of opinions and preferences and distractions and justifications and rationalizations, but there's truly only one of you in there, you know, and you're experiencing this, so embracing that journey. So let's wrap it up with just kind of a little bit of a recap. You know, if I'm just knowing that patience is power, you know there's power.
Speaker 1:Just knowing that patience is patience is power, you know is there's power in that it just practicing it, and that you know to create a consistency in life is to have the end result in mind. So, letting your mind play out as far out as you possibly can and really making sure that your goals are as meaningful as possible beyond just the basics of the things that we want to do here in the now. Right that are oriented within our own flesh or experiences or materialistic possessions. Right that it's something bigger and you may not have clarity around that, but that's part of the journey is to explore. Part of the journey is to explore that right that it's something bigger and you may not have clarity around that, but that's part of the journey is to explore. Part of the journey is to explore that right and then just knowing that along the way that there's going to be dips, and so embracing the cultivation of resilience and the resilience is for there to be that dip or rupture and for you to repair and come back and build yourself up stronger again, to stick.
Speaker 1:I love what you said idea. Stick to it in this right to stick to the path and to keep coming back and and focusing on as you are on your path, focusing on your own mental and emotional well-being, having that game plan to making sure you're making that the priority and then practicing gratitude along the way, as you and all of those I believe are really the the sum of embracing the, or the sum is to embrace the jury. With all of that right, you're embracing all that. So any last thoughts, heidi?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you didn't know I was going to do this, but I'm just going to throw it out there. We're going to include a link with this episode. If you would like some clarity around where you're going, setting some meaningful goals in your life book, a call with us. We're going to. We're going to offer you a free 20 minute clarity call with either Ryan or myself, so we'll put that link in the show notes. You can go there, pick a time on the calendar that works for you, be in a distraction free place, bring a pen, bring a piece of paper to write down some insights, and we just want to have a chat with you and hear where it is that you want to go, or try to just help provide some clarity through your own answers around what's next for you.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Yeah, I'd love to do that Anytime. We're always here to connect and support, and just thank you, heidi, for your time, as always, and we'll see you soon.